What to say and when to say it

So here’s a euphemism that all parents will eventually grow to despise: “teachable moments.”
Translation: those awkward times when your child finds out stuff that you’d much rather they didn’t. Ever. But especially not right now.
Of course, in this era of continual news flow, it’s unrealistic to think your child won’t, at some point, hear something controversial and ask you about it. But be warned: It may be months after the fact. I’m finding that in the kid world, news doesn’t break the way it does in ours. It breaks slowly, i.e., on the school playground. And then one day, out of the blue – POW! – they ask you about it and you’re forced to be all teachable.
Let’s take the issue of High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens and the naked photos, which landed on the Internet. My kids, who are 7 and 8, are big fan of the HSM phenomenon and are also blissfully ignorant of “adult themes.” I’d like to keep them that way for as long as possible, thank you very much.
So when the Hudgens scandal was big news, I monitored what the kids heard on the Today show, the radio, etc., so they would remain in the dark. (Yes, I favor censorship in these situations.) Soon, the hype died down. We were in the clear.
Fast-forward to the other night, when I took Jake, Emily and their friends Alex and Carly to the store. I decided to turn the dial to Radio Disney as a treat for the youngsters.
Bad move.
As soon as one of them heard a High School Musical song, Jake said, “Hey, Vanessa Hudgens got sued. She was sued for sending naked pictures to Zac Efron.”
Me: “Where did you hear this?”
All of the kids, in unison: “School.”
(Curses!)
I told them that it wasn’t quite true; she wasn’t sued and she didn’t send any pictures to Zac. (I omitted the fact that she’d actually sent them to some other random dude.)
“I heard she was arrested,” one kid said.
“Who got her money when she was sued?” another asked.
“Zac Efron,” Jake replied. “They broke up.”
The inaccuracies were flying fast and furious. I jumped in and said they actually hadn’t broken up. (I’d just seen a picture of them at a movie premiere. Besides, I wanted the kids to still believe in that sweet High School Musical romance.)
“Um, yes,” Alex said with much certainty. “They did break up.”
Realizing that there’s no questioning the credibility of the third-grade news operation, I let it go and geared up for my Teachable Moment.
“So obviously,” I said, “taking those photos wasn’t a good thing for her to do.”
They all agreed.
“And I know you guys would NEVER do something like that. It was just wrong.”
Oh, yeah, they said. We know.
As I went on about morals and good sense and the fact that she’s now in big trouble, I then started backtracking. I wanted to somehow make the discussion go away.
So I ended with this: “And who knows, maybe the picture was accidentally taken when she was getting out of the shower.”
Scoffs all around.
Overall, though, I think the Teachable Moment went fairly well. All it takes is a bit of quick thinking to spin the situation the best way you can.
Or, if you’re not up to all of that, you could just have a diversion ready.
The other day, I picked up the kids and their friend Aesha, with whom we carpool for school. Suddenly Aesha said, “Did you guys know about Jamie Lynn Spears, did you hear that” –
“Hey, look at that cute doggie!” I exclaimed.
Seriously, that’s how I handled it. I cut off an 8-year-old in mid-sentence to avoid all discussion of the matter.
After they saw the dog, I pointed out a few more sights along the way, as if they were tourists on a trek around the suburbs. But the plan worked; the subject of teen pregnancy was officially forgotten. Whew.
Of course, I know I’m only prolonging the inevitable. And once kids know something, they don’t really let it go. A few nights after our first Vanessa Hudgens discussion, Jake, Alex and Emily mentioned the scandal to me again.
I reiterated that it was a mistake that I’m sure she regrets.
“I just wish…” I added, not sure where to go with the thought.
“You just wish we didn’t know about it,” Jake said.
“Exactly,” I told him, realizing that kids are often more insightful than we give them credit for.
I also realized that with some teachable moments, it’s not the parents doing the teaching.

Just for fun

Who else remembers these commercials from the '80s? I love the extreme dorkiness of the first one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuS6pgc1mXw

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rrFW3YubdQY

I myself was a big fan of the Dial-A-Lash concept back then. (Wish I still had a tube as a collector's item! Note to self: Start stashing away all "revolutionary" makeup concepts from '00s to sell on eBay in the '040s.) But looking back, I think they were scamming us. Could that dial really control how much stuff came out on the brush? I wonder, because in every picture of me from that era, my eyelashes are so heavily coated with gunk that you'd need a power drill to bore through it all.
Or perhaps I just never dialed it back from 10. Restraint wasn't really my strong suit in the '80s. Then again, was it anyone's?

Roy, Roy, the cute little boy

As promised, here's a photo of our newest addition to the Atlas family. Big brother Thunder has (literally, in this pic!) taken Roy under his wing. Note the size difference between these two felines. Thunder, whose name was changed to Pookie somewhere along the way, is only about a year and a half old. But he weighs 18 pounds and is basically the most ginormous-looking cat ever. But look how sweet he is!

The two play merrily all the time (which is fine with our third cat, Circles, who's antisocial), so hopefully Pookie will drop a few pounds in '08. I think he's motivated! When he's not sleeping and eating and sleeping some more, that is.

Here's to a spectacular 2008!!

Which, for me, will hopefully include blogging or column-writing more than I did in 2007. It was almost a year ago (Jan. 18, I do believe) when I sent in my final Eastside Journal column. I seem to be missing it more every day instead of less. So my resolution is to stop getting distracted by 40,000 other random things and find another spot to deposit some column-worthy words this year.
On another note, we have a new addition to the Atlas family! His name is Roy, and he's orange. Yes, Emily got a spectacularly cute kitten from Santa. We adore him! (Pics to come tomorrow or whenever I can locate the little thingy that connects the digital camera to the computer for downloading.)
She picked out the name; we were deliberating amongst such monikers as Felix, Freckles, Nathan and others, but nothing seemed to fit. Then Emily walked into the room, kitty in tow, and said, "How about Roy?" We all looked at each other. Roy it is! He looks like a Roy.
Hope 2008 has been great to you thus far. :)

Celebrity dog!!

So I was just doing a little "research" for Santa so he can bring us (I mean, Emily) the perfect little orange kitty for Christmas. (See post below.) I clicked on the website of the shelter where we adopted Scooter, and the homepage had been updated to read, "The pets above have all found loving homes." Please see the pets here: http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/TX54.html
The smiling Jack Russell on the bottom row, second from the left is our pooch! We're so proud.

To answer one question

A kindly blog reader recently asked how our cats and dogs are doing. Well, I have sad news (which I don't think I've mentioned on this site yet): My vet -- whom I'd accused of being a "glass half-empty" type when she examined our cat Spot -- was actually just being an observant doctor. Turns out Spot did have cancer, as she'd suspected, and we had to put him to sleep.
Everyone who has ever endured that torture knows how bad it is, so I don't need to go into detail.
We're now down to two cats and a dog, who is barking like crazy right now because he wants in the house. I would let him in, but then I'd have to throw the golf ball for him 10,000 times in a row and would therefore have a tough time typing. He's just gonna have to wait his turn!
Three pets is probably enough for most families, but when Emily mentioned that she wants to ask Santa for "an orange kitten that can fit in my hands," my eyes lit up. What can I say, I'm a Leo.
Just imagine the thrill on Christmas morning when she finds a LIVE BEING waiting for her instead of boring old inanimate toys. (I'm assuming Jake will be fine with the aforementioned boring old inanimate toys.) I'm so excited. I hope Santa comes through for her! Mike, on the other hand, is crossing his fingers that Santa hits some sort of snafu when it comes to this gift. But he won't.
The only potential problem: As I talked up this plan to my hubby, I heard myself promising to take over the litter-box duties full-time if Santa delivers OK (orange kitten. Hey, wouldn't that be a cute name?). I've promised to start my new position on Dec. 20.
I sure hope OK -- and a certain red-haired girl -- appreciate this.

It's always the little things that get to us, isn't it? Below are two phone-calling-related features that I would like to see gone by the year 2008:
1. The paging option. Oftentimes, as you start to leave a voice mail, the lady on the other end says, "To page this person, press 5 now." Why? There is no need for this service in the 00's. The person will get the page (just some random phone number) and a voicemail/text (containing actual INFO!) at the same time. It's not like the page prompts someone to run through the streets and shout, "Paging Bob Anderson! Paging Bob Anderson!" No. All you get is this on your phone: "bling!" Just like a voice mail.
2. The Workplace Automated Phone Directory. First, a question: Has anyone ever, in the history of phone calling, had success with this system? Here's what happens when I try: I'm asked to type in the entire last name of the person I'm trying to reach. OK. Heavy sigh as I look up corresponding numbers for the name Gulbransonowitz. (It's never "Brown.") My task complete, I hit the pound sign. Whew! I do a happy dance.
The recording then says one of two things:
- "You typed 'Bob Smith.' If this is incorrect, press the star key and start over." OR:
- "This is not a recognizable name." (I got this one the other day as I tried to reach the CEO of a company. I'm sure his name is, in fact, recognizable to the staff.)
Perhaps I missed my calling as a phone-company executive.