What to say and when to say it

So here’s a euphemism that all parents will eventually grow to despise: “teachable moments.”
Translation: those awkward times when your child finds out stuff that you’d much rather they didn’t. Ever. But especially not right now.
Of course, in this era of continual news flow, it’s unrealistic to think your child won’t, at some point, hear something controversial and ask you about it. But be warned: It may be months after the fact. I’m finding that in the kid world, news doesn’t break the way it does in ours. It breaks slowly, i.e., on the school playground. And then one day, out of the blue – POW! – they ask you about it and you’re forced to be all teachable.
Let’s take the issue of High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens and the naked photos, which landed on the Internet. My kids, who are 7 and 8, are big fan of the HSM phenomenon and are also blissfully ignorant of “adult themes.” I’d like to keep them that way for as long as possible, thank you very much.
So when the Hudgens scandal was big news, I monitored what the kids heard on the Today show, the radio, etc., so they would remain in the dark. (Yes, I favor censorship in these situations.) Soon, the hype died down. We were in the clear.
Fast-forward to the other night, when I took Jake, Emily and their friends Alex and Carly to the store. I decided to turn the dial to Radio Disney as a treat for the youngsters.
Bad move.
As soon as one of them heard a High School Musical song, Jake said, “Hey, Vanessa Hudgens got sued. She was sued for sending naked pictures to Zac Efron.”
Me: “Where did you hear this?”
All of the kids, in unison: “School.”
(Curses!)
I told them that it wasn’t quite true; she wasn’t sued and she didn’t send any pictures to Zac. (I omitted the fact that she’d actually sent them to some other random dude.)
“I heard she was arrested,” one kid said.
“Who got her money when she was sued?” another asked.
“Zac Efron,” Jake replied. “They broke up.”
The inaccuracies were flying fast and furious. I jumped in and said they actually hadn’t broken up. (I’d just seen a picture of them at a movie premiere. Besides, I wanted the kids to still believe in that sweet High School Musical romance.)
“Um, yes,” Alex said with much certainty. “They did break up.”
Realizing that there’s no questioning the credibility of the third-grade news operation, I let it go and geared up for my Teachable Moment.
“So obviously,” I said, “taking those photos wasn’t a good thing for her to do.”
They all agreed.
“And I know you guys would NEVER do something like that. It was just wrong.”
Oh, yeah, they said. We know.
As I went on about morals and good sense and the fact that she’s now in big trouble, I then started backtracking. I wanted to somehow make the discussion go away.
So I ended with this: “And who knows, maybe the picture was accidentally taken when she was getting out of the shower.”
Scoffs all around.
Overall, though, I think the Teachable Moment went fairly well. All it takes is a bit of quick thinking to spin the situation the best way you can.
Or, if you’re not up to all of that, you could just have a diversion ready.
The other day, I picked up the kids and their friend Aesha, with whom we carpool for school. Suddenly Aesha said, “Did you guys know about Jamie Lynn Spears, did you hear that” –
“Hey, look at that cute doggie!” I exclaimed.
Seriously, that’s how I handled it. I cut off an 8-year-old in mid-sentence to avoid all discussion of the matter.
After they saw the dog, I pointed out a few more sights along the way, as if they were tourists on a trek around the suburbs. But the plan worked; the subject of teen pregnancy was officially forgotten. Whew.
Of course, I know I’m only prolonging the inevitable. And once kids know something, they don’t really let it go. A few nights after our first Vanessa Hudgens discussion, Jake, Alex and Emily mentioned the scandal to me again.
I reiterated that it was a mistake that I’m sure she regrets.
“I just wish…” I added, not sure where to go with the thought.
“You just wish we didn’t know about it,” Jake said.
“Exactly,” I told him, realizing that kids are often more insightful than we give them credit for.
I also realized that with some teachable moments, it’s not the parents doing the teaching.